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1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you
haven't spoken to your next-door neighbor yet this year.
6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.
7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not
8. You consider the postal service painfully slow and/or call it "snail
9. Your idea of being organized is multi colored post-it notes.
10. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a
12. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert "9"
to get an outside line.
13. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different
14. Your company's sign is attached to Velcro.
15. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
17. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best
18. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
19. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
20. It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.
21. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience,
terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
22. You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.
23. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
24. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
25. You're already late on the assignment you just got.
26. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department
is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising
your boss's boss on strategy.
27. Vacation time is something you roll over to next year.
28. Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone
you DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WORKED THERE is leaving.
29. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...
30. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
31. As you read this, you think about sending it to your "friends".
32. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already,
but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.
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In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are
subtracted. Do something she expects, and you don't get any points.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative Pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled Sheets -1
You leave the toilet seatup........................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom. -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings +5
In the snow +8 But return with beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with a six iron. +10
It's her pet -10
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +1
Okay, it is a sports bar -2 And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team -10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS:
Go with a pal -5
The pal is happily married -4
Or frighteningly single -7
And he drives a Ferrari -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8DATE) -15
A NIGHT OUT:
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called DeathCop 3 -3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly -5
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it.+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -800
THE BIG QUESTION:
She asks, "Do I look fat?" You reply, "No" 0
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -200
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1. Smother me with kisses each time I enter the room, even though I have only been gone for 30 seconds?
2. Forgive anything and never hold a grudge, especially when it is my fault?
3. Whimper and whine when we're apart?
3. Beg for my attention?
4. Bump into doorways and walls in your rush to greet me?
5. Always be thrilled to go on a drive or run an errand as long as it's with me?
6. Follow me anywhere?
7. Answer the door prepared to defend me from strangers and people in uniforms?
8. Feel OK if you lost your hair?
9. Be interested in meeting new people but always come back to me?
10. Pant for me?
11. Always think I look great no matter what I have on?
12. Never change the way you feel about me?